Black Hawthorn in Leo
Source: Graphic Designer @bohuy_kim,
I will be transparent - this year I have been deeply struggling with the wound of not feeling “seen”.
I’ve been struggling to find the place where two significant needs of mine (and perhaps all of ours) can meet - the need to feel grounded in my purpose, and the need to pay my rent and feed my family. As a small business owner within the healing & wellness community, I think I can speak for many of us when I say that perhaps nothing distracts you from your heart’s deepest work than to be financially insecure or unstable.
Financial instability, and alternatively, financial abundance - either of these states in excess can make us forget who we really are, and why we are here on this Earth.
This year, I’ve taken big risks with my business;
I decided to not provide an offering that has been the primary source of annual income for my business, and instead, in responding to the wisdom of the full body “no”, I placed my trust in the types of work that gave me a full body “yes”.
It was an empowered choice
to align my work with my purpose.
But things have not unfolded in the way that I was hoping, nor expecting, and as a result, I feel that I have lost my voice - even though I have so much to say, and so much to share.
Black Hawthorn berries | August 2024
When I sat at the foot of the Black Hawthorn, I did not know that I had been searching for months to find my voice again.
And I was completely unaware of how damaging the cumulative impact of questioning myself over and over for months would be.
Of how damaging the feeling of not being seen was.
For months, I would upload each Instagram post, Substack post, TikTok, website update, etc., already feeling defeated:
“What is the point of this if no one is going to see it anyway?”
“Why am I still doing this when I’ve brought in less than $1,000 for my business income since the beginning of 2024?”
“I followed the signs that the Universe gave me, to deepen my work along this path… why aren’t they helping affirm that I made the right decision?”
“Why are other people succeeding off of ideas and frameworks I helped introduce to the collective years ago?”
A thousand different ways to say one resounding narrative: I am feeling hurt, because I am not feeling seen.
“XII: STRENGTH”. I created this interpretation of the Tarot card “Strength”, which normally uses the imagery of a lion. Instead, I implemented the painting titled “Warrior Walk” by painter Carol Gregg.
Black Hawthorn berries helped reveal to me a side of Leo that perhaps isn’t seen or talked about as much, one that I didn’t even realize I had lying dormant within me…
Leo’s true strength does not come from being seen by others, it comes by embodying, and thus deeply seeing, itself.
Who we are seen to be may not always be an accurate representation of who we truly are, and it is in the deep embodiment of our heart’s purpose that allows us to truly see ourselves.
And we do not need to be the loudest voice in the room to hear and witness ourselves; quite the opposite, really.
Common & Black Hawthorn berries teach us that it is the harmony between the Heart and the Belly (Hara, within a Traditional Japanese energetic framework) that our sense of purpose, belonging, and strength are nurtured.
While we often associate Leo (and the archetype of the Lion) with the Heart as being the source of its strength, Black Hawthorn berry teaches us that purpose is also grounded deep within our bellies. Within a Japanese energetic framework, the Hara (the lower tanden, or dantian in Chinese) is the foundational center from which our ki/qi (our energy) is generated. It is from this energy center that we transform ki/qi into higher, less dense forms of energy that animate the heart, the mind, and the spirit.
It is from the Hara, (the belly), from which Leo, becomes deeply rooted within itself, for the Hara gives us the precious gift of being grounded in the knowing that to exist is to have purpose, and that our existence fulfills a purpose within itself.
Purpose is derived from within.
Purpose is not the loudest person in the room.
It is not the person with the prettiest smile,
or who has the most engagement on social media.
It is in a deep intimacy of our purpose through which we find our Strength. Our strength to keep embodying our purpose, even when we fail to be seen by others.
I felt personally hurt by my experience of trying to share my work without feeling deeply seen by the world - with each new attempt at a different offering or strategy resulting in hardly a whisper of feedback or validation. I’ve felt burnt out on feeding energy into my work and my business all year… and yet having nothing tangible to really show for it. And with each step forward, feeling the chip on my shoulder grow heavier and heavier.
I sat down at my table, and felt Black Hawthorn slowly working its way through the cauldron of my belly.
It plucked and threw into the cauldron the many thoughts in my head that mindlessly traced the lines of my insecurities over and over again.
It wrapped its arms around the pain held in my heart and drew it down, down, down, finally allowing it to settle at the bottom of my pelvic bowl.
And in return, I settled. I grounded into my Hara, and from that place where my thoughts and emotions and self sat together - I could feel something else happening.
Purpose.
The Hara alchemizes all that needs to be digested, the kidneys remove that which does not need to continue circulating through my mind, my heart, and my blood.
As I am grounded in the medicine of Black Hawthorn, I patiently await the time to harvest Common Hawthorn, who will help (should they choose) to keep this connection to Purpose alive, allow it to circulate vibrantly through my body, and help me continue to move with purpose each day.
Black & Common Hawthorn berries embody the harmony between the lower & middle tandens - harmony between the belly and the heart. Black Hawthorn berry, as I understand it, is an embodiment of Moon in Leo, while Common Hawthorn is an embodiment of Sun in Leo - though each have a little bit of one another in each other as well.
However, I will mention here that in the practice of Astrological Herbalism, these plants may have completely different astrological associations. I am not an astrological herbalist, but rather an energetic ecologist who observes the living connections between the present astrological landscape and the plants. For context, we recently had a New Moon in Leo in early August, and the Sun is in Leo until later this month. Simultaneously, Black Hawthorn has been in perfect ripeness for harvest the past few weeks, and Common Hawthorn will be ready sometime in Virgo season, though still does not cease to engage with us energetically. If you are curious about Astrological Herbalism, I recommend a peer of mine, Sarah Corbett, who is the owner of Rowan + Sage.
Black Hawthorn berries are more directed towards supporting the digestive system as a means of supporting the cardiovascular system. Black Hawthorn is hearth energy (which we can associate with the Hara); it is deeply nurturing, and grounding; it is like the warmth of the Earth and the stones and the dirt beneath a fire that radiate heat, and instills calmness from deep within the belly. Common Hawthorn has a stronger affinity for the cardiovascular and circulatory systems, though also being supportive to the digestive system. Common Hawthorn is fire energy; it stimulates and excites, it emanates a profound love from deep within the heart that expands the energetic field; it is connection to self and others. Common Hawthorn is also a plant often associated with the keeping of boundaries, which is expressed in the way the branches will grow forming a protective cove around the trunk of the tree.
